Young Grasshopper

I remember years ago in Sunday School the teacher said "when we ask God for patience, what we are really asking is for God to bring difficult things in our life to test our patience". That has always stuck with me. So each time I pray and I ask for more patience I almost hesitate thinking "ok Lord what as I REALLY asking for here? and will I be ready for it?"

This morning my co-worker was showing me her new plant and asking me how to take care of it. Everyone thinks I'm this plant lady. I simpley read the instructions on the side of the flower pot. At that point she noticed a cricket was sitting on one on the leaves and she freaked out. I gently cupped the cricket in my hand then took it outside and released it. I'm not even sure if there is some kind of message in all of that or what. But the incident just popped in my mind. I'm really feeling at peace today. I've feeling more optimistic about my near future. I've been planning and following through. So I'm sure that has something to do with the good vibes.

I've also been reading my bible. My Lil Prince has a children's bible that he likes to read out of lately. Last nite the passage he picked out really spoke to me. It was something I've read before and sort of lost site of it.

Matthew 5:43-48 (New International Version)
Love for Enemies
43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.


and Matthew 6:1-8
Giving to the Needy
1"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
2"So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 3But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Prayer
5"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

I do what I do not for acceptance or praise from other people. But for God. I need to remember that. Not that I've been attention seeking or anything like that. But I have been worried about what other people may think of me lately. And that worry is uneccessary because it really doesn't matter what other people think. I answer to my Creator.

Doing it

I thrive on planning and organization. I know that much of the discord in my life right now stems from lack of planning and organization. Or simply half ass planning and not following through. Procrastination grows from that. I just put it off because I don't have the organization to give me confidence to just DO IT. I'm starting my TO DO list today. I want it to eventually grow into a life goals list. But for today, I need to accomplish a few things:

*Pick up the Lil' Prince's uniform shirts from the school

*Follow up call and/or email apartment leads

*Clean the bathroom

I know I can accomplish all of these things before I lay down to rest. I plan to pick up the uniforms right after I pick up my Prince today following work. I plan to follow up on apartment leads as soon as I finish posting this. And I will clean the bathroom once I return home. My Kingman will either have to cook dinner himself or wait until I'm done.

I am starting small and simple for now. I feel better already.

I give thanks to my Creator for blessing me with another day. Another opportunity to spread Love and Light. Amen.

Positive Affirmations

I awoke this morning with words and affirmations spilling forth. I took a moment to breath and meditate on the positive affirmations the Creator was revealing to me.

"I am disciplined" inhale
"I will treat my body right" holding breath
"I will not put toxic things in my body" exhale

Throughout today I've been living these affirmations. And I've been building on these affirmations.

"I am conscious of what goes into my body" inhale

All of this seems to be the manifestation of my resolve to live a happier, healthier life. I was telling my family this weekend that I eat relatively healthy. But I know I can do better. I know I have done better. I will do better. This is my promise to myself.

"I will take care of you the best that I know how" exhale

Getting what I Deserve

Life is indeed cyclic. And up until this moment I believed that some of life's cycles are negative and some are positive. I'm realizing that it is my reaction to certain events that brings forth either positive or negative consequences in my life. I could very well STILL be off in this theory, but the thought process is necessary for me. I'm constantly trying to reconcile things in my mind and my spirit. Trying to bring forth some peace thorough balancing all aspects of my life. And I know this is a continuous effort I will need to put forth. However, there are times I forget that life is, in fact continuous and cyclic. And I, therefore must constantly LIVE it.

I'm not big on new year resolutions. But I tend to create resolutions for my life at any moment I receive clarity or understanding. I now resolve to do my best to live in the present and to enjoy each moment of now. I believe this will greatly reduce my worries about the future and regrets of the past. I also resolve to believe that I deserve the good things that happen and will happen in my life. Now that I have some clarity that it is not my life that is negative, but my reaction to things in my life that can bring forth negative consequences. I resolve to focus primarily on the positive things in my life. Because that is what I deserve.