X Factor Replay

How quickly things can change. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. Other times I think it is outside forces that make me think I am crazy. He and I are ending AGAIN. And I am heartbroken AGAIN. Why do we torture each other like this? Our love is like a battle. Lauryn really knew what she was talking about. I really want him to let go. For real this time.

Extra, Extra! Read all about it

I finally sat down and typed out the bulk of my hair story. Stuff many close to me don't even know about. Check out a blog feature on me at Black Girl with Long Hair. Aside from blessing me with a great interview, that blog is super informative and inspirational. Check it out.

Part I

Part II

Love and Eternal Light to all!

What's New?

Shutter Click & Chat 5/10:

What's new?! Show me something, someone new in your life. I've been gone a while and I'd like to get caught up on what's new with you!

For the lovely Tea and Honey Bread... Above is a picture of my new tomato plants. I'm trying my green thumb at some gardening this year. I'm starting my tomatoes inside and plan to transplant them to the garden in a few more weeks. I'm blogging more about it (and other life changes) elsewhere. If interested in reading my other blog just leave a comment with your email or shoot me an email.

BLESS!

Reflections

I give thanks for such beautiful and inspiring people who cross my path. The last few weeks I've felt so revived. And I've been just LIVING. Motivation is high, but I must remain focused as well.

I went to orientation for my doula training. The first official training class will be April 25th. Before then I hope to do a little more reading and research to keep my mind and thoughts on what I'm trying to accomplish.

I've decided on a studio to take belly dancing lessons. The spring sessions overlap with my doula training so I await the summer schedule and plan to start then.

I have three weddings I'm excited to attend this year. One of which I am the maid of honor. NICE.

The weather is warming, the sun is shining and I have been trying to get outside to enjoy it as much as possible. The lil One and I have been reaquaiting ourselves with the neighborhood. The trees, birds, bugs and plants. I'm shifting more toward the life I want for myself and living IN it presently. My spirit is in a happy place right now and I find it hard to stop smiling.

I've also noticed that things have just been "working out" for me. I receive each blessing with gratitude. And give thanks to God for everything.

Right now I'm toying with the idea of moving my blog. Once I actually decide I'll post an update and let the regular readers know where to contact me in the case they would like to follow me to the new space.

Until Next Time

Bless!

Can't have one without the other

This one is for the lovely Tea & Honeybread. This is my submission for the

Shutter Click & Chat 03/22: Two
Show me a couple or pair of anything you deem shutter click and chat-worthy.

The story behind this photo is kinda cute. The lil Prince decided he wanted to lose his gloves two Sundays ago. I still have no idea where those gloves are. He had them before church and somehow they disappeared by the end of church. Well that following week we had forecasts for very cold weather, including a snow storm. And my child had no other gloves or mittens. He has this knack for losing them. Well the night before the big drop in temperature he asks me if I found him new mittens. I had searched in vain and no stores (not even thrift store) had boys mittens or gloves in stock. I told him that I'd make him some mittens that night and they'd be ready for him in the morning. My lil Prince has a creative mind and requested before bed that I make red thumbs. He thinks I can do anything.

So I did like any good mother would do. I tried to make it happen. I put in a dvd and got to crocheting. Fortunately for him I add the thumbs last on my mittens. And even more fortunate there was some red yarn in the scrap yarn. So he awoke to some "really cool" mittens with red thumbs. I am sooo SuperMom. Needless to say he loved them. And as of today, he has lost one of those mittens :|

Memories of the Little Elephant

The little one received a new book in the mail:





I did a video review of a Children's book and wanted to share here as well. Please check out the review and visit the website. This is an amazing book that I highly suggest all parents include in their child's library.

Title: Memories of the Little Elephant
Author: Nehprii Amenii
Illustrator: Nehprii Amenii
Publisher: Khunum Productions

www.nehpriiamenii.com

Coming up for air

I've been in transition mode. And for personal reasons I made my blog private where no one can read it. I even contemplated deleting it all together. It's funny how a person thinks they know you after reading a few words. And it just aches my heart to know a person can be so ill-hearted as to try and use some positivity for negativity. But I've decided God will deal with that and I cannot control their nature. They will be who they are and I won't let that change the woman that I am becoming.

With that being said, I miss all of you in blog land. Hopefully I'll be back soon with a proper update on the goings on and a fresh new look-o-di-blog.

I give thanks to my Creator for giving me strength

Inspired once again

I must make this. I spotted this coat via random googling for crochet wearables more than a year ago. Ran across it again and I still *heart* it very much. I truly believe I can crochet a very similar version of this. My verson would be tweeked a bit. Namely, the bottom trim would be a different stitch pattern. I’m thinking the coat was done using the “top down” method of crochet. Top down is just was it says, the item is worked from the top down. I prefer that method for garments because it provides a better drape, the item can be tried on and sized as you go and there is little to no seaming required. Can you imagine this as a toddler coat? I don’t believe I’d ever WEAR this myself, but I could surely see some lil chica rocking it. How fly.

I've been crocheting bit by bit. I've had a couple of custom orders which are now complete. When this sickness finally decides to leave my body and give me back my energy I hope to work up a few things to add to inventory. I have only a few things left in the store, but that's a blessing since it means someone is buying my creations.

I give thanks to the Creator for the new opportunity unfolding in my life. Amen.

Yes, we can. And did.

I'm proud beyond words to be a black right now. Not too many years ago I was certain that I would never in my lifetime see a day when a person of African decent would become president of the United States. But I am proud (of America) to type today that the time has come.

I don't know that other ethnic backgrounds understand or are able to grasp how deep today is for black Americans. We now have real, tangible hope. Nuff said.

Peace to all tonight. May God's Light continue to shine in your lives.

Children and Voting

The following exchange is real and I could only WISH I was creative enough to make this type of stuff up. My Lil One and his Cousin (we'll call him T) had this discussion over dinner last nite. My Lil One is 7 years old and T is 11.

T is the kiddo in the red. My Lil one is across from him in this picture taken this past Mother's day.

Lil One: T, who you gunna vote for?

T: I can’t vote, I’m not 18 yet.

Me: Well Lil One gets to vote at our polls, they will have a kiddie vote. Maybe ask Nana if they are doing that where she goes to vote.

T: Well can I come with yall to go vote?

Me: I'm not sure if we'll have the time to pick you up. We'll see.

Lil One: T, can’t come vote with us unless he’s voting for Barack Obama.

T: (in shock)

Me: (holding in giggle) honey, you can’t MAKE someone vote for a certain person. He can vote for whoever he wants.

Lil one: Yeah huh! Because if he’s going to be in line with our family he gotta vote for Barack Obama. He can’t stand with our family if he don’t vote for Barack Obama.

Me: Um…

/End Scene

Yall pray for this child. lol. He just wants to see a "brown person who is assertive" be President of the United States of America. I can't say I blame him too much. lol

Disturbula

I haven't combed my hair in weeks. And I keep telling myself I'm going to do it, but every time I wash this luscious fro, the tiny coils get all soft and springy, I just can't mess 'em up. But at some point I HAVE to do something along the lines of detangling because I don't intend to rock one big loced fro.

I went on a lil road trip this past weekend with some ladies I went to high school with. We visited an apple orchard that also grew raspberries, pumpkins, and grapes. At the orchard we went on a hay ride that actually did not include hay. But the beautiful horses made up for the lack of hay. And I likely would have complained about itchy hay anyway. Later we went to a winery and it was equally as beautiful. Those are two things I intend on doing again with my family before the end of this year. They are suprisingly inexpensive and enjoyable. We had huge amounts of fun and I laughed more than I have in a long time. All the while I could not stop missing my Kingman. I REALLY missed him and looked forward to seeing him once I returned home. Absence really did make my heart grow founder. I even bought him a gift from Victoria's Secret, which he quickly unwrapped and enjoyed. *wink*

My little one seemed to have thought I was in a different continent, rather than a different state. I spend about 5 minutes on the phone with him trying to explain that I'm still in North America and Wisconsin is right next to Minnesota. He kept asking "mom why didn't you take me with you? I wanted to go to another continent, you said you'd take me". How cute and misinformed? Love that kid.

Out of Focus

This afternoon I logged onto my email and saw that I made an etsy sale! It felt so good to see that. I'm hopeing I can complete at least one more piece this weekend to post in my shop. It's tempting to spend the proceeds from this sale on stuff I'd like for myself on etsy. But my master plan includes cycling the money from sales back into the shop. I plan to purchase more yarn and some other items I've been wanting. I'd love to have some fabric tags made to include in my crochet items.

Man, I just had a total brain freeze. I stared typing out this post wanting to make it about my shop and the stuff that's in the works and I'm sitting here unable to focus. I suppose it's time to get some kind of rest. Something I've been lacking as of late. Even when I go to bed at a decent time i have a hard time getting to sleep. I figure my body will force me to sleep properly at some point. Hopefully sooner, rather than later.

I think I'll brose some etsy shops until I fall asleep...

Midsummer Night’s Dream

Last night after the lil one was put to bed my King and I took a stroll around the neighborhood. We walked around the block as the sun was setting admiring the beautiful houses of North Minneapolis. The Northside gets a bad rep. Our neighborhood is lovely, safe and quite beautiful. Each street has a canopy of trees shielding the pavement from the sun and keeping the cool air circulating. We have lovely maple trees in our yard. And colorful flowers where an old tree stump use to reside. We looked at the other houses and yards and marveled at the turn of the century architecture surrounded by grass. There was one home that perfumed the air with fresh greenery and made me want to lay in the yard and watch the stars. The Old Highland neighborhood is perfect for us right now.

It was a hot night. We are trying to hold out as long as we can before turning on the ACs. We have windows on all sides of the duplex apartment and trees strategically shading most of them. So I figure if we have the fans placed just right we can get nice cross winds to cool us down, especially at night. Once the cool breeze hit me I was fast asleep. It’s hard for me to sleep comfortably in hot and humid weather. And Minnesota summers customarily are muggy. My afro loves it, my thighs, not so much. lol. I usually sleep in nothing more than my skin so every bead of sweat is evaporated by the fan pushing around warm air. I fool myself into thinking that the faster the air is dispersed the cooler it feels.

I woke up in the middle of the night to kisses from my Kingman. Each kiss was a raindrop across my back politely signaling me wake up. I obliged. And he made love to me as the moon peeked into the bedroom window. Moments like that make summer nights a pleasure.

Stylin'

My prayers go out to any and everyone affected by the tornados over the weekend. I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like to have everything suddenly blown away. I think living in the city makes me take for granted that it’s not likely to happen to me. But I know tornados can and have hit in the city before.

Family time is some of the best time. We grilled at my place yesterday. My Kingman was such a wonderful help yesterday. While my mother, younger sister and I went to the thrift store in the morning, he cleaned the entire apartment and started cooking the food. And never did he complain. Our apartment is quickly becoming the family hang spot. Partly because we have more space than my mom’s place and my Kingman is allergic to my older sister’s cat. A brotha gotta breath, ya dig?

Lately I’ve been entranced with blogs and websites that display everyday street fashion. It’s inspiring and eye opening. Here I was thinking 80’s fashion was NOT gunna make a big come back, but after checking out this blog by Artistic Bling it’s all the rage in Brooklyn. But browsing these sites reminded me of how uninspiring the fashion community is here in Minnesota. While I don’t consider myself a fashion expert, I do take pride in my personal style and how it’s evolved over the years. I’ve found that my style is mostly inspired by the global community as a whole. I don’t have any hard fast rules that go with my fashion sense besides “no tight on tight crime”. Lol. My sister and I coined that term years back. I was browsing Hel Looks over the weekend and kept thinking “ok I’m NOT crazy for loving cardigans and skirts that go past my knees!” That site inspired me to finally purchase some tights (5 pair) so that I could rock my skirts and dresses at work and not break dress code. Ladies have to wear “panty hose” with skirts and dresses at my place of employment. My closet has several dresses that I love but haven’t worn to work because they show too much leg for me to get away with not wearing panty hose.

I stopped wearing panty hose some time in high school because they were so uncomfy and I would always snag them on something. I was such a tom boy, it’s a wonder I ever lost my virginity. Now I’m a bit more of a girly girl and can go a day without a snag. The real trick now is finding tights that properly squeeze over my thighs and butt. I must say, the pair that I’m wearing today have given me no problems at all.

I plan to re-read “The Secret” very soon. As soon as I find the book. A sista friend of mine is reading the book and it’s got me to thinking that I need to get my mind right again. It’s a great book to have around.

Old News

I was browsing the old myspace blog and came across a few that made me laugh or reminded me of some things I went through not long ago. I tend to use profanity in that blog. Something about myspace that makes a sista wanna cuss. lol

Reposts:
01 May 2007
Catching up with a rant...
Current mood: irritated
Category: Life

People who minimize MY issues just to make their own seem like thee most important thing in the world drive me batty. Where's the equality man? Being the victim all the time gets real old AND it gets you kicked off of Charm School. Nevaeh anyone?

I scraped my arm on a broken wicker basket this morning RIGHT before leaving out for work. Twas bleeding and all. So I just slapped a band aid on it to catch the body fluids seeping out. So my co worker asks me what happened when she saw my flesh colored band aid. Can anyone guess why she saw a flesh colored band aid on me? I told her what happened then she asks "did you at least clean it?" Uh that's a negative, roger that!

Someone complained that my locs look... well basically not so cute today. And it sorta hurt my feelings cause I was really feeling my locs today. What's with the notion that you have to do all this shit to your hair to make it presentable. I just don't want to put all that energy into my hair on a daily basis. I'm just going to WORK. Those people don't know what's going on with my hair half the time anyways. I didn't let the person know they hurt my feelings. Why bother, cuz they would have found a way to make their feelings more important anyway.

Why can't it ever be about ME?
"HARPO WHAT ABOUT MEEEEE!"

I mean can somebody, anybody pamper me for like a week? one week straight. And not complain and enjoy it like they expect me to do 365/52/7/24?? Seriously, I had an epiphany today. Not only am I a sister, daughter, mother, girlfriend, business services specialist... but I'm also a client, uh, I mean maid. Just call me Hazel. Or chocolate. DARK chocolate is more fitting. And sexy. hehehe


08 May 2007
feepee had a little lamb or "the one who farts with his arm pits"

I had a gyro for lunch. And I'm wondering if lamb counts as red meat. *scratches head* *sniffs fingers* MMMMMM! My head smells like a camp fire. I got this new Aveda shampoo which without reading the bottle I'm tempted to call "black fig oyster" but i'm SURE oyster is not in the name. My scalp and locs smell really good tho. Makes me wanna be like Becky and shampoo everyday. But alas, I'm much more like Bonequesha. Except if my head itches I scratch it. I don't do the pat the head cuz I don't want flaming scalp when I get my touch up tomorrow.
___________________________________________________
My little Prince showed me this new amazing talent that he has. He's extremely proud of himself because he practiced and practiced until he could do it. Many may have thought it could not be done. But he is a genius. Really, he is. He told me a while back he knows everything. And I'm sure he believes that. Don't shoot my child's dreams down. He is all knowing. And now he can fart with his armpits. I can't even do that! AMAZING he is! *sips on fruit smoothie with ground flax seeds*
____________________________________
Why can't I be like the tree and calm you with my leaves? Maybe if I'd just be still.
____________________________________________
UPDATE!!!! I get to keep MOST of my mother of pearly whites! I need a root canal. Possibly two but one is a wisdom tooth. I'm told a root canal on a wisdom tooth is difficult and it was recommended that I just remove it. *gasp* I have to think about that. I like my wisdom teeth, they have all been with me since I was 16.


24 May 2007
A CURSE 'PON BOTH YOUR HOUSES!!!
Current mood: In Pain

My sister says that to me sometimes. Well, she alternates between cursing both my houses and saying "yo mama!". It's ok. She was adopted anyways, so it's no big deal. hahahah!

Ok so I had that root canal this morning. On the real, I think I would have preferred if he had taken my tooth out. I can't friggin eat! I'm glad I ate a sammich on the way there or i'd be starving right now. But that's not the killer part. Cuz I could handle this involuntary fast if there wasn't anything good to eat. But I just made this bomb fried tilapia and jasmine rice thinking I could just chew on one side of my mouth. I've gotten use to that over the last few weeks. Well the problem is ANY pressure on that root canaled tooth hurts like hellifus. So you know the lil grains of the cornmeal find there way over there. And when I accidentally bit on that junk I bout cried. Partly cuz that fish is some good ishtar and partly cuz the pain made me wanna ball up in a corner with a knife and cut off the right side of my face.

I'd still be sexy tho.

I visited my lil Prince's class for a lil while this morning before heading over to the dentist. After they had breakfast and did there routine trip to the bathroom, one of the lil boys comes up to me and asks me to help him pull his shirt sleeves back down. So I noticed and commented to the lil fella that he had some ashy arms. Well dang, the lil booger actually knew what that meant. So to make him feel better I told him I have ashy arms too and proceeded to expose my ashen flesh. He laughed a little too hard at that one. I don't appreciate that! But I did my deed for the day by comforting a child who was fretting over the dehydrated skin. I should have whipped out some vasaline on him. Show him how it's done. But CLEARLY I did not have any or my skin would not have been in the state that it was in.

06 Jul 2007
Do dat hot dawg got pork in it?

That was the cry of my child the other day when I told him he could not have one. I guess he figured there must be a good reason for me saying know. And lately I've been explaining to him why our family does not eat pork products or drink cows milk and rarely indulge in dairy products as a whole. He thinks he's all edjumacated now because earlier this week while I drove to the gym with him and the nephew in tow, he drops some pork knowledge on the cuz. "pork meat comes from pigs and pigs play in the mud so you shouldn't eat it" Ok so he doesn't quite have the FULL understanding of why pork if off limits for us. But you can't blame the kid for trying to spread the knowledge. Shhhhh! don't tell him that his beloved carrots and broccoli come from the dirt. I need him eating his veggies.
+++++++++++++++++++
Tis truly a small world. When Paris Bennett's mama sings at your cousins funeral and talks about how they use to roll. You realize just how small of a world it is. Big Tiny was such a hilarious guy. And even tho the funeral had me crying and feeling sorrow, I found some comfort knowing that so many people's lives were touched by his presence on this earth. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From this point on I will speak/think/feel affirmations of positivity and Light into my life. Bless UP!

Excuse me while I take a dump- Brain dump

Insomnia is no fun. Stuck here awake with thoughts rolling around in my mind...

Tonight I ran a very warm bath with drops of tea tree oil and some cocoa powder. I lit an incense got naked and relaxed. That bath felt so good. I dosed in and out of lucidity filling my spirit with positive thoughts and energy. This ritual should be performed on a more frequent basis.

Tomorrow I'm up early to get my lil Prince ready for school and stop by the government center to see about this speeding ticket from a couple of weeks ago. My prayer is that a county clerk will show a little mercy and reduce the ticket and be so kind as to keep it from showing up on my record.

After all of that fun I'll be linking up with my sis to help her move. This is a huge transition for her, but I fully support her and I'm proud of the woman she has become and is becoming. She is a big sis I admire, love and enjoy annoying from time to time.

The last few days I've toyed around with this lovely hand dyed cotton yarn I've had for maybe a year now. I can't seem to find the right project for this yarn. I want to make a fly summer crown for myself but I haven't committed to HOW I'm going to construct this crown.

After work today my Kingman and I took the lil Prince to the park to play. The weather was cooperating so I obliged my son's request for outdoor fun. He met another young man there and we sat and watched my lil Prince's impressive social skills. I'm so proud to see him comfortable meeting new people and making friends. I'd like to take credit for his confidence but he is who he is. And he's amazing.

I've put in good workouts upstairs twice this week already. With all the moving tomorrow, that will count as a workout. I may get another in this Saturday for good measure.

Friday evening after work I have plans to braid my mother's hair. Then Saturday she and I are going thrifting! I'm very much looking forward to that!

Fortunately now I'm getting sleeeeepy.....

Good night and God bless all who come across these words!

LmNOP

I had planned to come home, eat some pinto beans and cornbread, check my email then go to bed very early. But then plans changed when I realized The Biggest Loser was on tonight. So I told myself after eating my beans I'd watch THAT then go to bed. But then they were showing previews for Law and Order SVU. And I told myself I just can't miss this episode cuz it's the episode Mariska slaps that shit outta another character. That little clip gives me so much joy. I want to do that sometimes.

Just slap the shit outta somebody. But not in the face. Just across the back of the head like she does in the preview. OMG, you can tell it was a real slap too. I jump and giggle everytime I see it.

I didn't go in to work yesterday. It was just a long weekend and a long drive to and from Kansas. My mother put another sibling to rest. But she (and I) reconnected with such a wonderful beautiful family. I definitely want to revisit Kansas and spend some time with the rest of my family. They were just so generous, loving and welcoming. Made me feel so good.

I wasn't feel well yesterday so I stayed home most of the day. But I went to my son's school the second half of the day to give the kids a hot chocolate party as promised. And I must say, those kids are a handful. Between the crying, lying and calling of the police they still managed to touch my heart in a special way. I don't think I'll be sending my son back to HLA next year. I may blog on the reasoning for that later.

So tonight didn't go as planned. I ate my beans and also had some icecream and a brownie (or two). Watched Biggest Loser and some of SVU. Now I sit here tapping away. Wow I just noticed the "m" key is working properly again. That's great.

Breathing some Light

I was so excited that a little bit of snow had melted and it was warmer than it has been the last few weeks. So excited that I took my lil Prince's bike over to the gas station and put air in the tires. We were outside for only about 30 minutes, but it was 30 minutes fully enjoyed by us both. I had the chance to breath some fresh air in the little bit of daylight left. He got a chance to learn to ride the bike. Win-win situation.

This logging of the food is sorta fun. It's quite eye opening. I totally messed up and drank about 400 calories this morning in the form of a Panera Bread Pumpkin Spice Late with soy milk. The only nutrition info I could find on it was for low fat milk. And I'm sure the soy option had less fat and calories, but I don't know for sure. At any rate, I need to stop drinking calories.

I'm finishing off the night with a bowl of collard greens. No meat, or salt added. And it's super delicious!

Action

Recapping the last few weeks is a task I do not intend on taking up at the moment. I will say there are many things I've been putting into action and manifesting in my life. And in those aspects I feel good! Other things (read: active lifestyle) I have not been as proactive about. Excuses never make me feel better. I just plan to do better at this.

My relationship is being tested. And my patience in this relationship is surely being tested. It's stressful but I'm upping my meditation times and breathing exercises so that I can stay centered through it all. I'm also making attempts to get proper rest on a more regular basis.

Outside of that, great news and positivity have been flowing my way. I plan now to manifest more of those blessings so that they flow into my relationship as well. We have some building to do.

In my last post I posted an online store that I'm currently selling some of my crochet creations. Very soon I'll be posting my own separate online store which will feature my creations only. This is a big move that I had been putting off much to long. But I'm ready!

Bless up!

Down on my knees

Yesterday, I went home and made some boca burgers for the family. Then the rest of the night I either crocheted or watched tv. Heroes was on and I love that show. After that I IM'd a little bit then went to bed.

I had a bad dream last night and I woke up all sweaty and icky. It's a little bit difficult at night sometimes since my Kingman works the 3rd shift. I love sleeping next to him and having someone there to wake up to when I have an unpleasant dream.

I think it's time to burn some sage in the new apartment.

Before bed I accomplished 5 solid push ups. But I had to do the modified push ups on my knees. Tonite I'll do more push ups. Maybe I can work my way up to 10. Then I'll do some stretching and breathing exercises to relax my body and mind. And meditate for a little bit. After my Kingman leaves from work the apartment is quiet and still. It's sort of my moment to myself. I will utilize this time for relaxation and centering myself before I sleep. Hopefully that will ward off that negative energy seeping into my slumber.